noblegarnet: (f: dot dot dot)

text; 1st, late morning

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-01 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[Rikku should be given fair warning as to the sinking feeling in her bonded that's likely going to grow into something harder to ignore. With how close they've gotten, Ferran has to wonder how strongly his emotions will come across, and although he'd like to block them away entirely, he knows he won't have the energy.

So, not too long after he makes a few realizations and decisions, he sends her a text.]


Tsutha is gone. I'm going to her house for a bit, but I want to see you later.
noblegarnet: (f: haha just kidding everything sucks)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-04 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know yet. Today, afternoon maybe.

[He doesn't know how long he'll spend at the cottage. He doesn't know if anything of Tsutha's needs to be returned or taken care of, or how long it might take him to work through his feelings enough to leave them where they are for the time being. Obviously all of it is safe with Yona, but he doesn't know how he'll feel when he gets there and sees all of Tsutha's things without Tsutha.

He really doesn't want to have another crisis in public, though.]


Somewhere private.

[For all the gloom he's feeling, seeing Rikku later is something he can look forward to, and it keeps him from sinking too deep.]
noblegarnet: (f: dot dot dot)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-05 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[For as empty as his home can feel at times, he's grateful he lives alone for reasons like this. It gives him the space to process his feelings without worrying about anyone else intruding without invitation.]

Ok. Thank you.

[He might have told her not to wait for him, but he doesn't have the energy. If she wants to message him again in the meantime, he'll respond. It's likely to be a couple of hours before he heads that way.]
noblegarnet: (f: unsure)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-07 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
[Ferran's emotions have become less volatile in the meantime, although it's difficult to say his mood is much better, in the grand scheme of things. He already feels exhausted by the early afternoon, when he's standing in front of his own door, and he halfway feels as if he should knock. Instead, he simply takes a few moments before finally pushing the door open.

He lets out a slow breath when she approaches, leaning into the hug and wrapping his arms around her in turn.]


It's good to see you. [As if he doesn't see her fairly often as it is, but obviously her company right now is a tad more... meaningful.]
noblegarnet: (f: dot dot dot)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-08 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Ferran nudges the door closed behind him, fine with staying in the entryway but wanting that extra barrier of privacy. It helps his nerves settle, just as Rikku's sympathetic embrace does.]

Yeah. Well...

[Grief is still a fresh wound for him, as much as he likes to pretend he's gotten used to it. Every now and again it throbs in his chest and he has to take another steadying breath.]

She seemed happy about things back home. Happy enough. [It's a better fate than others he's lost.] So... it's something.
noblegarnet: (f: gloomy)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-12 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Not really.

[He may or may not have had a snack, but it wouldn't have been any kind of meal. Although he is starting to feel the edge of hunger, he's not terribly concerned about solving that problem for himself.]

I can make you something if you're hungry, though.
noblegarnet: (f: smad)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-16 05:55 am (UTC)(link)
[Ferran's internal struggle between allowing said fussing and being the host he prefers—one who doesn't let their guest do anything but enjoy themselves—results in several long seconds of silence with a strained look in his eyes and a tension in his jaw.

Finally, he lets out a sigh, shoulders slumping in defeat.]


Sorry. I'm not... good at this.
noblegarnet: (f: gloomy)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-19 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
[Ferran doesn't know that it would make him feel better, but it certainly wouldn't make him feel worse, which is the most he can ask for right now.]

It's probably easier... and faster than waiting for me to get a hold of myself.

[And it'll give him a few minutes to attempt that. It's still "easier" for him to work out his feelings in private, so perhaps it will give him a head start of sorts, so he can actually open up properly.]

Thanks.
noblegarnet: (f: unsure)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-22 05:10 am (UTC)(link)
[In lieu of attempting a smile at the kiss—it would just be pathetic, honestly—he lets a hand linger on her shoulder for a few moments as she turns to go and he steps out of the way.

The time allows him to think a little more than he had on the journey there, and his musing eventually pulls him towards the past, his mistakes, and the things he'd shared with Tsutha before she left. He thinks of what he's locked up in his study and tried to ignore.

When Rikku returns, he's sitting sideways on the other end of that same couch she'd been waiting on, twirling a domino mask in his hands by its swooping ends, staring at it thoughtfully.]
noblegarnet: (i: well...)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-26 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[He does look up when Rikku returns, thanking her as the mask stills in his hands. The food would be an appealing sight if he had much of an appetite... but he's sure it'll keep long enough for him to want it. For now, he returns his attention to the accessory, letting out a sigh.

He didn't grab it from its locked wardrobe just to get cagey about it all of a sudden, so his answer comes quicker than most of those when he's asked about something personal.]


Yeah. It's my guardian's... part of the set that came through the mirrors.

[The things that alarmed him so bad that Rikku felt the echoes of it, he means.]
noblegarnet: (f: staring maybe the thousand yard type)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-04-27 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[He nods, giving himself time to piece the proper words together.]

I told Tsutha... I'd try to reach out more. Be more honest... about things that bothered me.

[Instead of just bottling up his turmoil until everything exploded, forcing her to deal with it without warning.]

I figured you should know why I'm so messed up, I guess. [Even if a part of him is afraid she'll see him as being too much trouble.] My life was miserable before I came here.
noblegarnet: (f: gloomy)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-05-01 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[All Ferran had truly wanted from a Bond was to keep some manner of control over himself and whatever monstrous urges might be forced upon him. So often he felt it was pointless to bring his feelings and problems up at all, and his word to the missing sorceress is the really main reason he's speaking about them.]

I've known him for a while. He killed my family... and almost me. He set my home on fire, and took me in afterwards. Like it was a kindness.

[He drops the mask on the nearby table, though there's more resignation in the gesture than bitterness.]

That was almost a year before I came here. I found out the day before we—before you and I met.

[Thus complicating his arrival in Aefenglom further.]
noblegarnet: (f: unsure)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-05-08 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
[A huff leaves him as he looks down at their hands, curling his fingers around hers.]

Yeah... I still don't really know how to deal with it.

[There's so much he'll never know about it, he's sure, and no real way to get anything resembling closure.]

After they died, everything happened too quickly... I found out magic was real, and I had to use it to keep these monsters from finishing me off—or, that's what I thought. [The man had so many opportunities to do it, Ferran has to assume that wasn't actually his goal, for whatever reason.]

I ignored all my friends and stopped paying attention to everything but finding out who did it. I was an idiot...

[He's still an idiot, but you know.]
noblegarnet: (f: smad)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-05-15 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[Ferran doesn't reply immediately, and putting his thoughts together feels like wading through mud. He has no doubt Rikku has seen a great deal and knows much more about loss than he does, even if he might disagree with her assessment of his actions.]

It is hard.

[He's sure it's not easy for anyone. He'd never imply otherwise.]

I don't like the person I turned into, because of all of that. [Whether or not he was an idiot.] But I don't know what else to do, so I... just tried to ignore it, since I got here.

[Which is why every thread of conversation that might have gone towards the situation only ever dipped into it briefly, if that. He wanted to hold on to whatever sense of normalcy he could, despite having essentially no connection to his peaceful past life whatsoever.]
noblegarnet: (f: attempting to ignore own problems)

[personal profile] noblegarnet 2021-05-17 07:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[You shouldn't.

He manages to keep that thought to himself, however strong it might be. Instead, he attempts a small smile. It's partly successful.]


... thanks.

[He reaches forward to pull her closer and rest his head against her shoulder. He thinks he's talked himself out now, and he just wants to sleep for a week. Or mentally check out, anyway.]

I don't know what I would have done without you. [Maybe he would have found others, too. Maybe Tsutha's support would have been enough, at the beginning. Or maybe not.]